It was a smooth lie.
One that could of been smoother, she thought.
What was she to do now--cry?
Nah. She was not going to be caught.
Not this time.

She won't hold on, any longer.
She's hardened. Not soft. Not delicate. Not anymore.
What happened could be more wronger.
All of this is a bore.
No more holding back.

No more protecting your stupid feelings in guilt.
No more expecting calls,
No more grabbing the hilt,
No more imaginary trips in the mall.
No more you. And I'm glad.

I think it's true, though.
Despite all the hope,
I hate you.
Quick--wash your mouth with soap!

You hoped differently,
You wanted to repair everything--put the pieces back.
It wasn't a lie. Not essentially.
But you shouldn'--couldn't. You left it on the rack.
You gave up. Asshole.

That velvet softness--that definite love,
No longer exists.
And it's you I'll be free of.
But these feelings persist.
I'll get it straight: I hate you. Fuck you. You wronged me. I admitted all I did wrong. You fucked me over and did everything I hated. Everything that hurt me the most. Lied to me. Told me so many damn lies.

And I don't deserve this.
I don't deserve you.
It's not that I'll miss...
I just--I deserve better-it's true.
Better than you.

Better than someone who lies to me about who they see, who they like.
Better than someone who ditches me countless times when I stay up for hours and hours just to comfort them.
Better than someone who takes advantage of me and expects me to come running back.
Better than someone who--after all that happened--has the nerve to tell me to contact them. Do it your fucking self.
Better than someone who didn't forget me for a stupid boy or girl.
Better than someone who took my friends.

Better from someone whom... whom I loved.
Better from someone who continued to make miserable and pathetic promises.
Better from someone who I idolized.
Better from someone who I trusted. I trusted you. And you betrayed me by forgetting me, and throwing me away when I needed you. Nice job. Countless times.
Better from someone (s) who were supposed to be my best friends.

Best friends don't fall for one another and forget everyone else.
Best friends don't take each other's friends by hanging out with them more than you do. Knowing you were about to call them.
Best friends don't do the thing that they know their best friend is terrified of.
Best friends don't take your heart, your affections and your love just to stomp on it.
Best friends don't ignore the warnings or cries that you give each time your heart cracks a little more.

Best friends don't do the following:
lie, betray you, fall for your other best friend just to forget you, take your friends, make them forget you, make you become a thirdwheel in your relationship, don't be a thirdwheel, take advantage of you, don't ignore you when you say: What you're doing is hurting me, don't ditch you the second someone new fucking comes along.

Someone new, whom you knew first. Who you took time to help first.

They don't stay up in calls with them all night, when you need them or want them, just after meeting them.
They don't continue to do that, even after you asked them to tone it down. Best friends don't lie to you. Best friends do not lie to you about who they're talking to. Even when it's your supposed boyfriend, and your other best friend.

Both of which told you: I'm not talking to anyone else. Don't worry. I just had to do something.
And reply 30 minutes later.

And you get the leftovers when your best friend stays up talking to your other best friend. They can only stay awake for ten minutes before falling asleep on you. Because they didn't think that you were there in the morning, waiting for them.


I'll tell you what best friends should do:
Know who is first, and last. Try to balance.
Try to understand. Try to listen. Try to be there. I always tried. Even if I couldn't . I got around to it. I threw everything to the dust for you. Because I thought you were important. You were never willing to give back, were you?
They understand boundaries.
They know you.
They don't jump to conclusions because they just know. 
Hell. I knew when you were crying before you knew it.
They're supposed to love you. Act like it.
Try to do the right thing.
Try to stop being so flighty and be a friend.
Stop being comforted and start comforting. Not everything is about you.

I loved you. Always will. But I hate you, too.

Because you were everyone else. You are everyone else to me. Because you did what everyone else did. Once. You were different. I wish you stayed that way. I wish you didn't get so infatuated with him. I wish you didn't take advantage of me. I wish you didn't 'take' my friends. Part of it's my fault, too. But you never listened to me.

And that's your fault.
Thanks for the fun times. Sometimes I forget the bad times happened. I'll try to think about good times. So I can stop wishing for you.

You did me wrong. I did you wrong. But at least I did what a best friend should do. I put you first. I was there for you. Stayed up for hours listening to you cry and even offered to talk to your brother for you. Because I cared. I loved you. I told you what to do when things got really bad. I always listened. No matter what. I loved him, too. But not as much as I loved you. I never threw you away. Not once. I never ignored you when I met him. I talked about him a lot. But I was still there for you. You were my best friend. I knew that. So I didn't.

But tell me:
What happened to being best friends?